Healthcanc

I have to admit, lists rankle me, especially when they are lists of  shoulds .* But Amy Morin  wrote a list of should nots . The book,  13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do,  pulled me in, just like  Where Have I Been All My Life , life coach Cheryl Rice's biography, last week. Love those book tours.** The good news is that the list of don't  isn't as focused on avoidance as it  leads on. That's good, because avoidance isn't generally therapeutic. In fact, it can be anti-therapeutic. Just don't  ___ (fill in the blank),   never works, not for very long. Humans are far too willful, prone to habit and addiction. Therapy is a process, an examination of the whys and the wherefores of pain--the opposite of avoiding problems. We even suggest that patients lean into problems. Don't avoid. " Bring it up in a safe place " (before leaning in  in vivo ). Enough focus and we get sick of feeling sick, leave it for awhile. Remember what th...

(1) The Queen of Enmeshment We've talked about finding meaning in life, the search for self and identity, and how the dynamics of our closest relationships, enmeshment in particular, can make that quest seemingly impossible. Cheryl Rice But nobody will teach you more about what it is like to really be enmeshed than Cheryl Rice. How the needs of a parent can hijack a child's sense of independence and well-being are the essence of her memoire,  Where Have I Been All My Life ,  the definitive treatment on the subject. Where Have I Been All My Life I don't want to spoil it, but the first obvious sign that Cheryl is in trouble starts with kindergarten. Most children are anxious, their moms excited to send them off to their first full day of school. Have a great time, don't forget to write! Cheryl can't handle the separation, probably because her mother set the stage. She can't handle it. Tears of separation anxiety, sobs of sadness, breaks even the unbreakable resolv...